Monday, January 28, 2013

I've been waiting...

Church this Sunday was a blessing.  Sometimes I wake up on Sunday mornings tired, and feel like skipping church altogether.  Every time I beat that feeling and go anyway?  I am always happy I did.

God always speaks to my heart in clear ways when a small battle such as tired eyes or busyness is won.

This Sunday?

Hosea.

Hosea 3:1-5-Then said the Lord unto me, Go yet, love a woman beloved of her friend, yet an adulteress, according to the love of the Lord toward the children of Israel, who look to other gods, and love flagons of wine. 
So I bought her to me for fifteen pieces of silver, and for an homer of barley, and an half homer of barley: 
And I said unto her, Thou shalt abide for me many days; thou shalt not play the harlot, and thou shalt not be for another man: so will I also be for thee.
For the children of Israel shall abide many days without a king, and without a prince, and without a sacrifice, and without an image, and without an ephod, and without teraphim:
Afterward shall the children of Israel return, and seek the Lord their God, and David their king; and shall fear the Lord and his goodness in the latter days.

Why might I post something about a harlot?

Well this scene is actually a beautiful picture of us... and God.

Hosea's wife was a harlot, who left Hosea and their children.  She left them and got into much trouble and lived a life of darkness and sin.

God commanded Hosea to go buy his wife back when she was being sold as a slave.  At this point she had gotten into financial difficulties and was being sold for much less than what a "normal" slave was sold.  Usually slaves were sold for 30 pieces of silver, yet Hosea purchased his wife for fifteen pieces of silver and some barley.

He then said to his wife: "Thou shalt abide for me many days; thou shalt not play the harlot, and thou shalt not be for another man: so will I also be for thee."

This picture of redemption and love on the part of Hosea depicts the love and mercy that God shows toward us. 

We are like the harlot-sinful, wicked, hearts of deceit and violence. 

Yet God?  God is rich and full of mercy and love.  He is ready to draw us back into His loving arms whenever we fall away.  What must we do?  Let Him draw us.



"O Christian, are you sighing under your burdens? Is God not your Father? Go and boldly lay your case before him.

His heart will certainly roll and yearn towards you.

Is it spiritual blessings you want? Spread your requests before him; as he is your Father so he is the God of all grace, and will give you of his fullness; for God loves that his children should be like him."-Voices from the Past

His heart will certainly roll and yearn towards you.

What a beautiful statement.

He is waiting.  Why am I so content to stand afar off, caught up in the crowds on earth?  I should be so heavenly minded that all I can think about is Christ, and going to be with Him in paradise.

That is certainly on His mind.  He is waiting for me, picking me up every time I fall.  How can I not follow after such a One?




"I've been waiting to dance with you
In fields full of colors you've never seen.
I've been waiting to show you beauty
You never dreamed that's always been in you.
I've been waiting to see you tremble as you're embraced
By a world saturated with My love.
I've been waiting for the day when at last I get to say
'My child, you are finally home.'

Sing, O son of Zion,
Shout, O child of mine,
Rejoice with all your heart and soul and mind,
For you are finally home.

I've been waiting to watch you realize
What all your longing was for.
I've been waiting to show you the thread of grace
That ran through all your pain.
I've been waiting to let you drink the water of which
Your greatest joy on earth was just a taste.
I've been waiting for the day when at last I get to say
'My child, you are finally home.'

Sing, O son of Zion,
Shout, O child of mine,
Rejoice with all your heart and soul and mind.
Sing, O daughter of Zion,
Cry out, O child of Mine,
Dance with all the strength that you can find,
For you are finally home.

Every tear you cried dried in the palm of My hand,
Every lonely hour was by My side.
Every loved one lost, every river crossed,
Every moment, every hour was pointing to this day.
I've been longing for this day."

-The Martyr's Song, written by Ted Dekker

Sunday, January 27, 2013

how do you escape the noise?

Sometimes on cold, tired days I sit and think.

Sometimes life seems a great drama of "What-if's" and wishes.  While we waste away our time pining after dreams of fortune, love and happiness, the world goes on and lives slip away.

The things we care so much about.

Friendships, arguments, food, weather, careers, school.

Why do we care so much?  Better--why do we care about those earthly things, when all that really matters is eternity?

Are we really so blind to our mortality that we are comfortable wishing for false security and happiness on earth?  Our emotions and mind force us into delusions of owning these things on earth, when in reality we are simply pilgrims

"This world is not my home, I'm just a-passing through.  My treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue.  The angels beckon me to heaven's open door, and I can't feel at home in this world any more."



Sometimes I wonder why I get so engrossed in the busyness of life.  Take school, for instance.  Quite right--doing my best is important, but it should not be most important. 

Friendships?  Surely it is good to have uplifting and godly friends.  But to spend every moment planning for the next event and social gathering?  What a waste.

What I wish for at this moment is an escape.  Instead of consuming myself with the petty dealings of strangers on earth, I should be living every day for my King.  Christ is the only One to which I owe my full allegiance.  I wish to escape this maddening world.  To escape from the encasing of drama, relationships, news, jobs, school and noise.

Yes, I must love my family and friends and strive to help them in this pilgrimage as often as I can, but my relationship with God is of utmost importance.  Through that relationship with God, He will strengthen the relationships I have with my family and close friends.

Where can I escape to, when every direction I turn presents temptations and distractions?  Must I seclude myself completely to spend a moment of solitude with my Savior?  How might I eliminate the noise of the world?



How do you escape?

Friday, January 25, 2013

long day?

Ever have a day where you come home completely exhausted and don't want to do anything?  Better...a day that makes you want to sleep through the next 3 days?

I'm there.

I had the opportunity to follow through with another strengthening moment in my life this week.  Another temptation/challenge that had been plaguing me for some time. 

God had been using the Holy Spirit to make me uncomfortable and unhappy whenever I thought of the lingering situation, and He gently pushed me to make a firm decision, despite how hard it seemed at the time.

Instead of prolonging a situation, or continuing in sin for so long before giving it up, why can't I just submit and say "YES, LORD," immediately? 

Because I am a sinner.

Jeremiah 17:9-10-The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?  I the Lord search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.

Sometimes I feel weak and tired.  I lack motivation.

Sometimes I just need strength.

My spirit feels so relieved when a sin is removed.  How is it that I fall so easily into sin in the first place?

Lord, please give me Your strength!

Monday, January 21, 2013

strength

This week. 

It has taken me so long to get back to this.  I find that blogging always makes me feel a little bit better.  It renews my spirits.

This week was filled with school, work, teaching, and sickness.  All physical "battles."  It was also filled with spiritual battles.  I feel as if I am sitting beside the frontlines of a battle, watching God fight for me. 

God has asked me to hold up my arms to Him.  As long as I do so, He can provide the victory.  As soon as I let go of Christ, however, I will plunge back into darkness and sin.

Exodus 17:9-12-And Moses said unto Joshua, Choose us out men, and go out, fight with Amalek: tomorrow I will stand on the top of the hill with the rod of God in mine hand. 
So Joshua did as Moses had said to him, and fought with Amalek: and Moses, Aaron, and Hur went up to the top of the hill. 
And it came to pass, when Moses held up his hand, that Israel prevailed: and when he let down his hand, Amalek prevailed. 
But Moses' hands were heavy; and they took a stone, and put it under him, and he sat thereon; and Aaron and hur stayed up his hands, the one on the one side, and the other on the other side; and his hands were steady until the going down of the sun.

Just as Moses held up his hands to the Lord and was given victory, so shall I be given victory over my flesh and sin if I hold my hands up to the Lord.

I have been struggling with finalizing my word of the year.  Why?  Fear.




I keep fearing that I will choose the "wrong" word.  That I will choose something that God did not intend for me to focus on. 

However, God made it pretty obvious to me what my word should be.

"Voices from the Past" and "Morning and Evening-Daily Readings by C.H. Spurgeon" both meshed so perfectly on January 14th, that I knew it was God leading me to my word.

Strength.

Ephesians 6:10-Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.

"The strength of every saint lies in the Lord of hosts.  God can overcome His enemies without our hands, but we cannot so much as defend ourselves without His arm...

To be strong in the power of the Lord's might implies two acts of faith.

First, a settled firm persuasion that the Lord is almighty in power; and second, it implies a further act of faith that God is engaged for their defence to bear them up in the midst of all their trials and temptations.

This is the apostle's purpose; to beat us off from leaning on our own strength, and to encourage the Christian to make use of God's almighty power as freely as if it were his own whenever assaulted by Satan."-Voices from the Past

Psalm 46:1-God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

James 4:7-Submit yourselves therefore to God.  Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

This does not mean that I will never have trouble...in fact, it indicates that I WILL face troubles and temptations. 

What matters is how I prepare and react to those temptations.

God will make His strength known in my weaknesses.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10-And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.  Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

Christ also promises that He is mighty to save.

"Christ's might doth not lie in making a believer and then leaving him to shift for himself; but He who begins the good work carries it on;

He who imparts the first germ of life in the dead soul, prolongs the divine existence, and strengthens it until it bursts asunder every bond of sin, and the soul leaps from earth, perfected in glory.

Does your own case trouble you?  Fear not, for His strength is sufficient for you.  Whether to begin with others, or to carry on the work in you, Jesus is 'mighty to save'; the best proof of which lies in the fact that He has saved you."-Morning and Evening

Philippians 1:6-Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:

Strength.

What does this word mean for my life?
  •  I am weak.  At the first opportunity to "get away with" something sinful, I will choose wrong.
  • God's strength is made perfect in my weakness.
  • Instead of relying on my own strength to flee temptation, God is waiting for me to rely on HIS strength.
  • God knows that my strength will fail me.  His strength will provide victory over my flesh and victory over my sins.
His strength.

This also means that I must continually ask Him for strength.  Strength for what?

Strength to say no.
Strength to flee sin.  Strength to flee temptation.

Strength to follow after Christ.

The strength to reject all worldly thought and cling to the iridescent truth that God loves me and will fight for me.

Exodus 14:14-The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace.

Deuteronomy 20:4-For the Lord your God is he that goeth with you, to fight for you against your enemies, to save you.

This year, I believe that God wants to show me His strength and His victory.  In order for that to happen, I must remove my sense of pride and reliance on my own strength.  I must lay all at the foot of the cross and ask Christ to carry me to victory.  I will surely face many foes and many temptations.  Therefore, I must rely on God's strength and He alone shall be my staying power.

Strength.

Strength in Christ.

"On every hand the foe we find
Drawn up in dread array.
Let tents of ease be left behind,
And onward to the fray.

Salvation's helmet on each head,
With truth all girt about,
The earth shall tremble 'neath our tread,
And echo with our shout.

Faith is the victory,
Faith is the victory,
O, glorious victory that overcomes the world!"


Sunday, January 13, 2013

the shadow does not hold sway yet...

It amazes me how quickly the Enemy attacks. 

The very NEXT day after arriving back at school, a temptation is placed in front of me.

Not just placed.  A huge pit appeared right before me.

Begging me to fall back into the sins I struggled with last semester.

It also amazes me how quickly God counters the Enemy's attacks

He provided:

  • An evening filled with godly friends
  • Texts from a godly friend
    - "You doing ok?  Praying for you :)"
  • No way to fall comfortably back into the pit
  • Physical and emotional warnings against the attack

Today?  More temptations.  More invitations to be a part of the world's version of "fun."  The Enemy wastes no time attacking me.  Is this what my entire semester will be like?
I must admit, it tires me just to think of how much strength will be needed for fifteen + weeks of this.

God knows that I am weak and He brought a wonderful quote to my mind.

"The shadow does not hold sway yet.  Not over you... not over me."-Arwen, in the Fellowship of the Ring.



Even from a Lord of the Rings movie, God used something to speak to my heart. 

This may be difficult to push through, but each victory will make me a little bit stronger.  In Christ alone will I find my hope and strength.


In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;

Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand
.

-In Christ Alone

Friday, January 11, 2013

worrying empties today of its strength

Today will be a quick update, simply because I sort of feel like I need to put some thoughts down.

I left home to go back to the East coast for school.  School starts Monday.

I am stressed.

Why?

  1. I will begin teaching first thing Monday morning.  I am not ready.
  2. I have a book report (as a grad student?) due next week that isn't finished yet.
  3. I have many books to buy before Monday and Tuesday's classes...some for the classes that I teach.  I didn't have the money to buy them until my loan came through.  Today.
  4. I know that I will be faced with multiple challenges and temptations this week, and I need strength to overcome them.
The only way to get through this list and the many other things I have to do? 

Stop saying "I" and start saying "Him."

That entire list began with "I."

Matthew 11:28-30-Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

He will give me rest.

"In the arms of Your mercy I find rest."-Casting Crowns, "East to West."

Matthew 6:34-Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

I can also take comfort in the fact that when I fail Him, He forgives me, and removes my sins. 

As far as the east is from the west.

 
Psalm 103:11-12-For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him.  As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.

Following is a lyric video to a great song by Casting Crowns.  I don't listen to much contemporary Christian music aside from MercyMe, but there are a few Casting Crowns songs that I like, and this is one of them.  It has wonderful lyrics.

 
Worry does not empty tomorrow of its troubles/sorrow, it empties today of its strength.-Corrie Ten Boom 

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

confessions and battles

I must tell you--this blog has become somewhat therapeutic for me. 

I find myself thinking about it throughout the day, dreaming about fun scenarios or interesting thoughts that might make good blog posts.

 
I think today might be somewhat of a confession, but also an opportunity for me to vent some excitement.
 
My Confession:
 
Remember--the purpose of my blog is to provide a glimpse into my stumblings.  My stumblings to what? 
 
To the crossing.
 
The crossing of my path with my future husband's path.  We will meet someday at a crossing, in God's timing.  Until then, I want to further my walk with the Lord, so that I will be ready when that day comes. 
 
I want to be prepared.

Proverbs 21:31-The horse is prepared against the day of battle: but safety is of the Lord.

Not that my future marriage will be a battle, of course, but life most certainly brings battles.  I love that verse. 
 
 
A horse is prepared for battle, which means that I can certainly be prepared for what this life brings.  However, it should be centered in the Lord and His Word, because safety is of the Lord.
 
So, my confession.  I start class next week.  The last semester of my master's degree.  With this will bring some challenges for me.  Last semester I really fell away from God.  I made friends with people who are not uplifting or godly.  "Friends" that influenced me to choose wrong, and "friends" that fed my lusts of the flesh, eyes, and pride of life.
 
What will I do when I go back to school next week?  Fall back into those relationships and stumble even further from the cross? 

I pray that God gives me the strength to say no. 

My flesh desires the fun of the moment.  I selfishly worry about losing my "friends" if I choose to follow Christ.  But, what kind of life would that be if I gave up my relationship with God for a season of sin?

Hebrews 11:24-25-By faith Moses, when he was come to years, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter; Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season;

No, I want to start this semester strong in Christ, able to say no to the temptations that will plague me. 

Hold me accountable, yes?

My Excitement:

One word for the year.

This is new to me.  My Sunday school teacher talked about choosing our one word.  Then, I stumbled across a blog where someone had linked to a website with a One Word Challenge

My heart patters along. 

One word to focus on for an entire year.  One word that God reveals to you.  The only way to let God reveal it to you?  By unearthing the mysteries of His Word layer by layer until He whispers it to you.

 
The beauty of this idea makes me desperate to find my one word.  I love words, and I love the idea of spending a year working on something that God chose for you.

One word to challenge you, uplift you, remind you, and change you.

I am waiting for my word.  As soon as God tells me my word, I will race over to my computer and tell you. 

Hold me accountable, yes?



Today I am linking to:

Sunday, January 6, 2013

this isn't how it's supposed to be

Do you ever feel like God wrote a Sunday School lesson specifically for you?

I almost skipped church this morning because I wasn't feeling well, but then I would have missed a Sunday School lesson that targeted the exact struggles I have been dealing with lately.

Ecclesiastes seems to be a pretty depressing book in the Bible at first glance, but it is filled with nuggets of truth about life. 



We studied the end of chapter 11 and the start of chapter 12 today.

Ecclesiastes 12:1-Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth, while the evil days come not, nor the years draw nigh, when thou shalt say, I have no pleasure in them;

The rest of chapter 12 discusses old age and the deterioration of life and the body.  Essentially, the point of the sermon was focused on what we can do when we are young.

Remember God in the days of your youth.

Before the days of evil come.



When you make important decisions, remember God, for the seeds you plant when you are young will become the foundation and roots of your life in your 30s, 40s, and so on.  The ideals you entertain when you are young will become your worldview when you are older.

Wow.  What am I filling my life with now? 

Am I entertaining my lusts?

1 John 2:16-17-For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth forever.

Or am I dwelling on Christ, and the things of God?

Philippians 4:8-Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.



While I am active and able, I need to remember my Creator, because when I am older I will not have as many opportunities to do so.  Deal with sin now.  Don't wait until it takes root with age.

Psalm 90:12-So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.

A long post, I know...but it seemed like God was being very specific today.

With God's help, my focus needs to move from the goals of keeping as many friends as possible and finding my husband now, to taking the moments I have now and turning my attention to God. 

How can I show my love for God now, instead of being selfish and impatient?

One of my favorite Hymns to inspire.  "How Deep the Father's Love for Us."

How deep the Father's love for me,
how vast beyond all measure
that He should give His only Son
to make a wretch His treasure.
How great the pain of searing loss.
The Father turns His face away
as wounds which mar the Chosen One
bring many sons to glory.

How can I be so selfish as to focus on my own happiness instead of God?

Thursday, January 3, 2013

can you imagine life without love?

Some thoughts...

My parents were married at the ages of 26 and 20.  I am 22 years old right now.  Occasionally I worry that I've somehow missed something important and that God might want me to be a nun for the rest of my life.  (Surely life without men is less stressful...right!?) 

Do any of you feel like that sometimes?


Thankfully my fears are pointless because God says that it is not good that man should be alone.  That is why woman was created...to be a help meet for man.

Genesis 2:18-And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

Another passage to ease those fears can be found in Ecclesiastes.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12-Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

I think that passage is a great depiction of the strength of a marriage and the strength of a family.


A lesson to learn from this? 

RelaxBe patientWait on the Lord

I spoke with some sweet people today from my grandmother's church...fellow musicians.  While talking about something totally unrelated to my blog, one of these friends told me that we often forget to wait

Time and a lack of patience should not push us into decisions...hasty decisions can lead to mistakes.  Hasty decisions can cause us to stumble.

Psalm 27:14-Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

First Blog Post!

My fellow adventurers,

I think it is about time that I post my first blog considering I set up this brand new blog yesterday, on New Year's Day!  I spent the day with my mother and grandmother, and we each began new journeys in blogland.  My grandmother started a new blog to highlight the journey she is on with Shingles and God's ever-present grace, and my mother decided to rennovate her blog that she started years ago.

What will this blog be about, you may ask?  Let me give you a little bit of background about myself, and it will help explain my idea.

I often look for satisfaction in my relationships with people rather than in God.  I am a social butterfly that spreads her wings a little too much sometimes, earning friends who aren't always godly influences. 



Same with men.  I get attached and emotionally involved quickly, which just leads to heartache.  I am 22 so I am entering the prime marriage stage.  I, of course, am on the look out for Mr. Right.  However, we've all heard older married couples say that "As soon as I stopped looking for my spouse, he/she came into my life!" 

From that, as well as a conversation with my dad, this blog was born. 

My dad-the rock in my life-once told me that life should be a ladder...a journey.  If my focus is living a godly life for Christ, I will be climbing a ladder to Him and my husband will be climbing a ladder to God as well.  Somewhere along the way our ladders will meet at a crossing

A crossing of two ladders.  Two paths.  Two lives.



I stumble a lot when I walk an easy path.  Climbing a ladder will surely bring more battles.  In fact, if I am totally honest with myself, I would have to say that I am currently faltering right now in my walk with Christ.  I am at a crossroads now...follow Christ or follow the world.

This blog is meant to capture my journey to the crossing.  As I embark on my climb up the ladder I want to remember the struggles and successes, the failures and victories.  When I reach that point in the climb where I meet Mr. Right, I want to be where God desires me to be...close by His side, despite my stumbles on the way to the crossing.